New immersive technologies and COVID lockdowns increase the attention for Virtual Reality Pornography (VRP). In this study, heterosexual women were interviewed about the effect of realism in VRP, using a new VRP Role-framework based on six dimensions. Results showed that VRP evokes strong negative and positive emotions. Different types of realism evoked confusion around fidelity and pornography and triggered different relationship boundaries, roles, and rules. Feelings of betrayal and fidelity seemed less when the partner experiences 360° recorded VRP (VR-type-dimension) alone (companion-dimension). Acceptance and confusion appear high around shared computer-generated experiences with control over avatars (interactive-dimension) that look like the self (resemblance-dimension). Feelings of doubt and betrayal seem high when the partner experiences VRP with strangers using realistic-looking avatars (realism-dimension) that resemble (well)known persons or the partner. This study helps companies explore ways to improve VRP content while considering ethical questions society raises concerning VRP’s impact on relationships.